Monday, July 27, 2015

When You Don't Know What Else To Do

My son has never been a good sleeper. I can probably count on both hands the number of times he has actually slept through the night, since he was born. He is almost two now. There were periods of time when he did really well sleeping at night and napping during the day. He was only waking up once a night and I was fine with that. I'm not one who has a problem falling back to sleep, so I didn't really mind waking up once or twice in the night with him.

That has changed however. Within the last month, for whatever reason, it has gotten a lot worse. Maybe it's because he is getting older, maybe it's because we are not in our own house right now, I don't know really know why, but I wish I did. He wakes up at least once a night, sometimes 2 or 3 times. Sometimes he will go back down easily, other times I have to sleep with him on the chaise lounge, because he is screaming and nothing else that I do works. Some days he takes naps in the car, (this actually went on for two weeks straight), now it's only once in awhile. Thank God! There is not much to do in a car other than read while your son is napping. Some days he naps on our bed and we nap with him because both my husband and I are just as tired as he is. On the occasion, he will nap in his crib without any problems, but I couldn't tell you why he won't do it every day.

Believe me, we have tried everything in the book. At night we have a routine that has never really been broken, except for nights when we have gone away. It goes something like this: dinner, relax, take a bath, drink our milk, go up and read a book, lay down and say our prayers, and that's it. He had no problem with us leaving the room after we laid him down and said prayers with him. He was still awake and would fall asleep on his own.

I have no idea why he now screams when I leave the room. I have to stand by his bed until he falls asleep and then slowly creep out of his room, hoping the doesn't here me and wake back up. It is the same way for naps too, hence the napping in cars and on our bed with us. I have gone through things over and over again to try and remember if something has changed that could have thrown him off. I have questioned where I went wrong that has caused me to allow it to get to this point. I pray all the time for God to help him get back into a routine, because I don't know what else to do and my son needs his rest! It is so exhausting and I can only hold it together for so long.

And do you know what a woman who is constantly exhausted and can't hold it together any longer looks like? A sad human being who is robbed of joy, cries over everything, and doesn't feel like doing anything, at all!! And all you moms out there, I am sure you know that there is always plenty of things that need to be done, every single day!

Yesterday, I was in church, and let me tell you, I am so glad I went, because I was so close to staying home after the night I had with my son. It is so amazing that God knows just what I need, exactly when I need it! The message was about Joy. True, everlasting joy, that can only be found in our heavenly Father. There were so many good points that were touched upon during the message, but the one that thing that really stood out, was the fact that true Joy comes from the Lord. We receive this joy when we give thanks. Thanks for what He has already blessed us with. Thanks for my health, thanks for my son's health, thanks for not having to work during the summer, thanks for everything!!

You see, God blesses us with so much joy, that we often miss out because we are so focused on the one negative in our life. Sure, it stinks that I haven't gotten more than 6 hours of sleep every night for the past two weeks, but I'm still here. My son is perfectly healthy and happy. My bills are paid, and I have a place to stay. When I focus on these blessings in my life, and give thanks for them, I am filled with joy, because really, it could be WAY worse! And this... this is my strength.  The joy of the LORD is my strength! The strength that I need when I am up with my son for the third time at night and I don't know what else to do. I will pray and I will give thanks for all that I have and all that He is and He will get me through.

Many Blessings,

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