Thursday, December 21, 2017

Rooted in Him

I feel like I don't even know where to start with this blog post. I have everything in my head that I want to say, but don't really know how to express exactly what it is that I am feeling.

I wish that I could take you for a long ride through my brain, so that you could see what I mean, when I say, it never stops. It's always going. I mean, I do sleep at night. It doesn't keep me awake, lying in bed, but for the most part, it's always going! What can I create next? What project can I take on? What new idea can I come up with for my blog or Instagram? How can I take my passion for decor and turn it into something new and different? The wheels are always turning. More, more, more!!

Eventually these passions for writing, blogging, decorating, and designing, and trying to be more, are no longer things that bring joy. They start to evoke feelings of dread and doubt, and stress and anxiety. I get so caught up with trying to fit in with this world and follow suit with what everyone else is doing that I end up confused and lost.

In Romans 12 verse 2 it says......

 "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

God's will. Do we ever fully understand or know what His will is for our life is. I feel that there have been many situations, experiences, and storms that I can definitely say were part of God's will for my life, but it's always after the fact, that I am able to realize and see this. Then there are other times when I am not so sure if what I am doing is part of His will for me OR if it's my will for me. You know what I am saying? That's where I am right now. I feel that I've lost my voice, and part of my passion, because my desire is no longer to create and do what pleases Him, but to please myself. I'm chasing after the plans that I have for my life, instead of seeking to know His plan. 

Jesus made it very clear, what it is, that we are to do with our lives. He spoke to his disciples and said,

“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?Is anything worth more than your soul?"

That's a lot to take in and it's certainly not easy to do. And it's definitely not easy to admit, when you feel that conviction yourself. Over the past few months, I have been recognizing this more and more and have been trying to make that change. Maybe others don't see it, but I feel it. I feel the anxiety, the comparison, the desire to seek approval from others, the insecurities that I am not as good as the other person. I feel the stress of wanting to do it all, so that I can feel accomplished.

And it's crazy how this feeling comes in waves. During one season in your life, you feel good about your faith and your walk and then so easily, that relationship, that feeling of knowing your worth in Him, it just slips away. You start chasing your plans and your desires once again and He is no longer first anymore. Oh how the flesh is weak.

But my God, He is strong! And that is why I will always need Him. I will never be perfect. I will never have it all together. Some seasons will be better than others, but it is during these seasons, when I am weak, that I know may faith is being tested and my relationship with Him will only grow stronger!

My word for 2018 is rooted. Rooted in Him.

past tense: rooted; past participle: rooted
  1. 2
    establish deeply and firmly.

    "vegetarianism is rooted in Indian culture"

Rooted in Him and not the customs of this World. Rooted in Him, so that I don't need to seek the approval of others to determine my worth. Rooted in Him, so that I may know what His will is for my life. His good and perfect and pleasing will. I am giving up my own way, my plans and my desires, because there is nothing out there in this World that is worth losing my soul or my voice to, unless I am losing it to take up my cross and follow Him.

So this isn't goodbye, it's until we meet again. My blogging and decorating journey (and other desires), they're not over, I'm just pressing pause. Taking a break from pursuing what I want, and earnestly seeking what He wants for me.

I pray that the Lord will bless you on your journey into 2018. That you will be rooted and established in His love and that the true joy we experience at Christmas will carry on in our hearts for the whole year!

Many Blessings,

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